___     ___     ________      _________    _________    ___   ___       
   |*  |   |  *|   /    _ $  \   | ^  __  ^|  |  @ __  @|  |&  | |  &|   
   |   |___|   |  | $  / \   $|  |   |  |  |  |   |  |  |  |   |_|   |   
   |  *      * |  |   |___|   |  |^   --  ^|  |    --   |  | &     & |   
   |    ___*   |  |    ___ $  |  |   ^_____|  |@   ___@_|   \_  &  _/    
   | * |   |  *|  |$  |   |   |  |   |        |   |           |   |    
   |   |   |   |  |   |   |  $|  |  ^|        |  @|           |  &|    
   |__*|   |__*|  |__$|   |___|  |___|        |___|           |&__|       

  ######   ######  #####  ######## ##   ##  ######    #####   ##    ##
  ##   ##    ##    ##  ##    ##    ##   ##  ##   ##  ##   ##   ##  ##
  ######     ##    #####     ##    #######  ##   ##  #######     ##
  ##   ##    ##    ##  ##    ##    ##   ##  ##   ##  ##   ##     ##
  ######   ######  ##  ##    ##    ##   ##  ######   ##   ##     ##     
               ____   _________________   _______    ______     ___  
              |    | |    _____________| |       \  |      |   |   |
              |    | |   |_____________  |        \ |      |   |   | 
   ___________|    | |    _____________| |         \|      |   |___|   
  |                | |   |_____________  |      |\         |    ___    
  |________________| |_________________| |______| \________|   |___|   

As you might have guessed, Jen's birthday was yesterday.  This is what I
sent her.  (hey, saves me 2 hours creating a new login) :)

18 YEARS OLD!! WOOO-HOOOOO.  Now you can go buy cigarrettes!  >:)

AND NOW FOR A SPECIAL BIRTHDAY TREAT:  GLADDYS THE COW WILL SING YOU ONE
OF HER FAVORITE TOONS, "Happy Birthday to Moo".

"Happy birthday to MOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
 Happy birthday to MOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
 Happy birthday to MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
 Happy birthday to MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
 How old are you now?
 Do you smell like a cow?
 I really hope not,
 Cause cows really don't smell that great, especially when they're wet."

<heavy applause>

And for your present, I've bought you a lifetime supply of... THAT's
RIGHT... ***SPAM****!!!!!!  It will be shipped to you all at once
Wednesday afternoon, along with another special treat: five buckets
of that goey green stuff that oozes out of cows' butts!!  You can even
sautee the spam in the butt-goo before you eat it!  I think it tastes
best that way.  perfect with a touch of oregano.

And one last birthday treat.  After all the spam has been delivered,
a cook will come to your house to specially prepare a delicacy meal
of sauteed spam.  but that's not all!  he will then set up a nice little
round table with two settings and a candle, because you're going to
have a visitor!  That's right Jen, I've set you up a personal date to
dine on butt-goo spam by candlelight with... FABIO!!!  It was very hard
to arrange, but once I told him what the meal was going to be, he didn't
hesitate.  

Boy, I expect a REALLY big thank you note for all of this.  I mean, I
REALLY went out of my way for you this year, Jen.  I hope you
appreciate it.

So happy birthday, enjoy all my gifts, and remember, if you swallow
too much of the slime, drink lots of milk and contact a poison control
center immediately.