WELCOME TO A PLACE DARK AND HAUNTING.  A PLACE SO COLD, THAT IF YOU WERE
ALONE IN IT IN THE WINTER, YOU'D NEED AN ELECTRIC HEATER, OR A COAT.  A
PLACE SO DEADLY THAT WHEN FILES ENTER, THEY'RE SWATTED.  A PLACE _SO_ 
EVIL AND DEMONIC, THAT IF YOU TAKE A LITTLE KID'S CANDY, _NO_ _ONE_ WOULD
TRY TO STOP YOU.  WELCOME TO A MYSTERIOUS LAND WHERE EVERYTHING AND
NOTHING IS ALL YOU ARE, AND STUPID POETIC CONTRADICTIONS ARE USED
FREQUENTLY.  YOU ARE NOW HERE, AND YOU WILL NEVER BE THE SAME.  PREPARE
YOURSELF, FOR... ___CHRIS'S STUPID LOG ON SCREENS____ *evil, dark, 
hideous, ominous laughter*