THE LAST LOGIN.com . . . (you're not going to believe this) (unless you've already looked ahead a few screens) (which you probably have) (really, this is a more astounding plot twist since we learned that Susan was a narcoleptic in the last login) <does he mean the last login meaning the previous one, or the final one?> <Both. Neither. Sort of one or the other> {Was that a plug for Frangles? That was a plug for Frangles, wasn't it} {No} ... in association with frangles.com (...a nonexistent idea for an unregistered domain under construction) (...but if it wasn't, would temporarily be hosted here) (would you guys stop making comments about the !@#$ing narration and let the narrator log us in in peace? this page isn't a !@#$ing plug for that moronic series.) {...Then why is there a hyperlink to Frangles in my comment right above?} <...then why do I get the feeling it's none of the above?> <don't whisper. you'll confuse the readers. blue, can you hand me that popcorn? no, the big one> {The blue one?} {No, two lines above it. The hidden hyperlink in black text.} {Oh, you did that yourself} {Why would I advertise a saga whose overmarketing I was complaining about?} {To eschew suspicion that you were engaging in a devious marketing ploy} {But I colored it black. You'd have to accidentally run your mouse over the first instance of 'Frangles' on this page to get to the site} {Not if someone read what you just said, or read the colorful link two lines below your own plug} {Oh, come on, we're the fourth dialogue depth down, what are the chances both our frwoa static defuser surge protectors malfunctioned and our chat is actually being read on the First Login Since The Last Login page} {You $#@%ing idiot! You just ruined it!} {Ruined what?} % I think the director's throwing too much nonlinear dialogue in. A newbie frwoa reader is probably confused to death % % Nothing to worry about, then. Well, except for... % {...The title of this login. The suspense is just starting up. You spoiled the whole damn thing...} {only IF both our frwoa static defuser surge protectors malfunctioned and this is actually being read, AND the reader hasn't already scrolled down and ruined it for himself, OR bothered reading the title of the page or the link on thelastlogin.com preceding it, and the reader really gives a flying fuck about the title of a low-hit nonsense rambling webpage being revealed in a 10-point Arial font commentary instead of a 14-point Impact font with the color of three letters changed just a few moments afterwards} {Touche.} presents. . . (you're not going to believe this) (unless you've already looked ahead a few lines) (which you probably have) (or if you've read the idiots who just gave the whole !@#$ing thing away) <Oh, Jesus, come on, that is so re-hashing previous material to water down the originality and up the length of this page, totally pointless since no one ever reads a third of these idiotic things anyway> <Touche> presents. . . (Here we go) (...again) (Don't quote Hitchhikers. Every time someone quotes Hitchhikers in a non-Hitchhikers work of art, a Vogon dies, a mouse gets injected with a seemingly-godsent-but- otherwise-ominously-Flowers-For-Algernonish-intelligence-magnification-syrum, and an EFF.com intern gets mangled by a Fair Use Balrog in a bad dream) <I'm not even going to touch that> <Touch? ...e> presents. . . || Okay, that's three times now we've heard "Touche presents." Who the fuck is Touche? || || Touche || presents. . . || No, I'm freaking serious. Who the hell is 'Touche'? || || Are you serious Bob? Dude -- || % where's my car? % % not now, tom, save it for a more confusing frwoa depth % % no, I literally meant, where's my car? it's not where I left it % % oh, shit. dude, this isn't good. we have to go find Fezzle % \\ Fez-- Fez? F--OH MY HOLY $%*&ING SH#$%D WE'RE GOING TO READ THE IMPROV STORY ALLUDED TO IN THE LAST LOGIN, AREN'T WE!? // \\ Maybe // \\ You know, don't you!! // \\ Dude, just scroll down if you really want to know // \\ But it might be hidden, a hyperlink on some word colored black or something // \\ Just wait. // \\ No. I payed for tickets, I deserve to-- // \\ Hold your @#$%ing horses dude-- // || -- it's just, you know, what people say when, uh, you know.. || || You don't even know, do you. || || Of course I do, it's just, uh, I, || || You don't know || || Shut up. I do. I just... uh... || || forget? || || I suppose it would be more accurate to say I forget whether or not I know what 'Touche' means || || Cuz knowing is half the battle || || Touche || presents. . . % that's freaking four times now % % Touche % presents. . . !! five!!... !! RANDOM_GUY_COMMENTING I'm already lost. As if posting a 20 page login on a planetary wide internet for a single human being saturated with personal jokes for him leaving the other 6,999,998 people on the planet in the dark wasn't bad enough, now we're diving into confusing medium styles that I probably have to go search the whole @#$%ing internet for explanations for to figure out what the hell is going on. SECOND_RANDOM_GUY_COMMENTING It'll all make sense just before the end of time. RANDOM_GUY_COMMENTING Touche. presents. . . & four... & & wait, now there are two random guys commenting? they're gonna be talking the whole freaking login. this sucks fucking balls dick & <They're going to run out of text charcters for the commentaries> <Commentaries? Oh, I get it, we're commenting, like, a commentary! Like on a DVD!> <Wait, you really didn't realize-- wait, what's a DVD?> (Touche.) & That one didn't even make sense. That line had absolutely nothing to do with a conclusive argument whatsoever. Not satirically. Not parodically. Not-- & & Tou-- er, two-- & presents. . . ^^ three... ^^ <Are we going backwards now?> <I think we're going forwards again> <"Again"?> < Two-- > { uche... } one... one... one... just one? one... (...ring to rule them all?) one... (...small step for man?) one... (step ahead of the state of mind over matter of fact of the daylight savings porno clock?) (What??) six... Six? What happened to-- **CENSORED MOST VICIOUS BRUTAL MAULING EVER TO FALL UPON SOMEONE QUOTING SPACEBALLS SIX HUNDRED @#$%ING YEARS AFTER EVERY JOKE IN IT WAS BEATEN TO @#$%ING DEATH** did someone just !@#$ die? \\ What the (*$% is with the !*&^ing language!?! // \\ I think one of the domains is crashing // one? no, two ones. just two? < I'm going to need therapy > [The theatre darkens.] Holy shit! this is really happening. I'm going to experience the first login since the last login before I die! I wouldn't count on it. Why? Oh, you mean... Oh! Riiiight. Yah, the situational irony foreshadowing joke of killing off any character who alludes to their future death. No writer would ever abuse that joke any more than its already been-- been-- been-- Ha! I'm alive! I @#$%ing told you! It's over! No one, anywhere, will ever-- ever-- EVER-- See? See?? It's not going to happen. You're going to die. Just not yet. Well we're all going to die some day. No, you're definitely going to die by the end of the login, just not quite yet. Why not yet? Wait, where are our brackets?... Because the only magnitude of the joke left after beating the great Foreshadowing Joke of Killing off Any Character Who Alludes to Their Future Death Technique horse to a bloody pound of concentrated horse burger, that will actually increase its humorous value, is to beat it to death more thoroughly and creatively and longer and harder, than anyone in the history of history of logins, has ever done. (more like in the history of the digital age) <more like the history of mankind> {more like the history of Oku--} {You give away one more !@#$ing thing about anything to do with frangles and I swear I'll--} { You won't } { I will. I'll send you to Zorcronitron Prime} { Not gonna happen.} { I swear, I'll do it. I have the teleporter right here. You're goin' back } || Oh! I'm starting to get this! These comments are actually specific people! It's like a puzzle or something that we have to figure out || || Wait, you really didn't-- wait, are you drunk? || || I'm not as think as you drunk I am || || You're drunk. You're going to get us locked up for public exposure again, aren't you. Don't you dare take off your--oh, shit, it's-- || || Happening all over again? || { Not gonna happen } <are we going backwards again?> (oh my god, fezzle, the dialogue depths are reversing themselves) (tom, you can't say my name or it will implode the known-- oh my god. it's already started. it's happening again) It's not going to happen. It's going to happen. presents. . . (wait, did that all make sense?) (yes.) <it's like fight club. or memento. or wild things> {or a fractal mystery science theatre five billion on crack} || I suddenly understand the entire Matrix trilogy || presents. . . [The theatre darkens again.] ( < { || % WTFF!!? % || } > ) THE VERY FIRST LOGIN ...SINCE THE LAST LOGIN (.com) < "TIT!?" The colored letters spell "TIT"!? > < What do you mean? > < The three colored letters of the last login logo-- -does he mean the previous login logo, or the final login logo?- +wait, wasn't the "final login" the one sam was going write?+ +probably in negotiation with Paramount+ -both. neither. sort of one or the other.- -don't quote frangles.- -bob, what's frangles?- --spelled "TAG." There was all this hype on the internet-- > { Doesn't he mean "xnet"? } { Stop plugging Frangles. } { What's Frangles? } <-- that the colored letters in "The Very First Login Since The Last Login" would spell something incredibly significant crucial to the plot of the Great Login Saga. And they just spell "Tit!"> < I think we're missing something > < What could we possibly be missing? > < Wait, look, there!! > { Why do I get the feeling we're now alluding to the last scene of the neverending story? } { I thought thelastlogin.com was a neverending story } { No, I mean the Neverending Story } { The one the Director alludes to in the Improv Story Alluded To In The Last Login That We Just Might Get To Read If He's Motivated And Bored Enough To Type In By The End Of The First Login Since The Last Login ? } || .com || { Yah, that one } { I love that one... "Grandma, tell us again how you developed superpowers?" Classic opening line } {You idiot. You did it again! You spoiled the first scene! } { I only spoiled the first line, IF both our frwoa static defuser surge-- } { We already went through that } || Wait, Bob, I just checked the domain, it's not registered. || || What domain? || || This one || || TheLastLogin.com? || || No, the other one || || Which one? || || You know, theveryfirstloginsincethelastlogin.com. It hasn't even been registered || || Why would anyone register it? || || I thought The Last Login was like the most visited page on the internet || || What have you been smoking? thelastlogin.com gets like four hits a day || || Then what have I been-- oh. ohhhhh. || ~ Wait-- is he serious? I actually forgot to register-- #*$&. Quick, Blue, hand me phone. I have to call GoDaddy like now. Blue?... ~ & Was that the director? & & I think so. & & Doesn't he have a name? & & I think he has like multiple personality disorder or something & & Ohhh. That would explain quite a bit. & Meanwhile, back at the third dialogue depth... <What? Where> <There!! In the source code!> <OH!!!> . . . {Well? Are we going to find out what the hell they're talking about?} {Knowing the director, I don't think so.} <The 'Y' is slightly darker than the other black letters! The altered letters are an acronym for "TAG YOU'RE IT!!"> {...or not. Geeez, this thing is full of surprises.} ...like exactly when you're going to die. i'm not going to--*choke..choke..* ha! see? gotcha. !@#$. wait, someone's strangling me to death! i'm right here, you're not invisible. what if the murderer is invisible? i'm not invisible. who said that? who said what? someone just said something. mo i didn't. see? there it goes again! don't quote hypercube. ok, i've just had it with your fair use shit... (he can't say "fair use," that's copyright infringement) (you're not serious?) ...just because i say some five word phrase that just happens to have been said in some other obscure movie, doesn't mean i'm infringing the copyrights of lions gate entertainment. i don't even know what movie you're talking about, i've never seen this hypercube you speak of then how did you know who produced it? tank, my cover's blown, get me the fuck out of here. tank?... operator??.... <now we're back in the matrix.> <you can't comment on the first dialogue depth> <why not?> <because the carrots comment on the parentheses, and the brackets, on the carrots. See the second frwoa depth comments on the first, the third on the second, the fourth on the third, the fifth on the fourth, etc, get it?> {oh my god! it all makes sense now!} || I suddenly understand the entire Matrix Trilogy || {are you serious. you really didn't underst-- jesus, you are the !@#$ingest dumbest fuck i have ever met} || are they saying "fuck" just to promote search engine status? || || No. I don't think Google gives a fuck. || || But you just-- || || Just let it go || presents. . . ( < { || % WTFF!!? % || } > ) thanks for reading. please visit our sponsers at squish7.com (that's it, isn't it?) (no.) . . . . . . (Yah, I think that's it.) (Just wait). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (Yah, that's it) see, they didn't kill me off. whatever. oh wait, what's this... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . see? it's not over. i think it's over. how can you be sure? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (waldo) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . THE LAST LOGIN.com . . . (you're not going to believe this) (HOLY FRAK IT'S RESTARTING!!) <You're !@#$ing kidding. How the !@#$ are we going to distinguish our depth-3 2nd run comments from the first?... oh wait, right, we have color now! Ok, here...> << reboot LL:\ >> (Color? That's a good idea. why don't we... Hold on... Alright, how do I look?) (Gay) (You don't look to butch yourself) (No, see, I'm blue, you're purple) (You sure look like a teletubie to me) (at least I'm original. You're the exact color of the letter 'G' in the the last login logo) (Fair Use 2007) (Touche) <This is confusing me to death. There's no way in hell I'm going to survive to find out what happens at the end of this thing> (unless you've already looked ahead a few screens)
(I think they've figured that out by now, dufus) <What's a login?> <Don't fuck with them> <I'm not. Fucking with freaders is for people who have aced Freaderfucking 101> (which you probably have) {That was so contrived!} {What?} {From four lines ago to three lines ago. The flow of the dialogue.} {Oh, I see. No, I think it worked fine. I think you just think it seemed contrived because you were following both lines of logic, and just can't imagine that the dialogue would have continued as such otherwise, where if you hadn't had the benefit of colored lines to distinguish them, it would have made perfect sense. For instance, Sam once commented...} || who's sam? || || the director's best friend who hasn't contacted him in ages. he's the single reason this hell spawned website exists. wait, you knew that. you're fucking with the freaders, aren't you? || {...That the line "slowly walking down the hall... faster than a cannon ball" from an old Oasis song seemed contrived, when really, it just seems contrived. Because it really makes total poetic sense, got it?} {OK, so the freaders who can't see all these higher dimenional commentaries are pretty damned lucky} || what's a freader? || || just shut up || % This whole rebooting thing is so cool. It's like, the coolest very-first-login-since-the-last-login plot twist ever % (really, this is a more astounding plot twist since we learned that Susan was a narcoleptic in the last login) <does he mean the last login meaning the previous one, or the final one?>
<Both. Neither. Sort of one or the other> {Was that a plug for Frangles? That was a plug for Frangles, wasn't it} || Was that a plug for Frangles? That was a plug for Frangles, wasn't it || % Was that a plug for Frangles? That was a plug for Frangles, wasn't it % {No} ... in association with frangles.com (...a nonexistent idea for an unregistered domain under construction)
(...but if it wasn't, would temporarily be hosted here)
RANDOM_GUY_COMMENTING I'm not sure if I want to drive a nonexistent spike through this guy's head or my own. SECOND_RANDOM_GUY_COMMENTING Touche. RANDOM_GUY_COMMENTING Don't you start with that shit too. (would you guys stop making comments about the !@#$ing narration and let the narrator log us in in peace? this page isn't a !@#$ing plug for that moronic series.) {...Then why is there a hyperlink to Frangles in my comment right above?} <...then why do I get the feeling it's none of the above?> <don't whisper. you'll confuse the readers. blue, can you hand me that popcorn? no, the big one> (Is he talking to me? How can I hand him the popcorn if I'm in the second login?) (You're not in the second login, this is the very first login since the last login, isn't it?) (No, I meant, the second run of the very first login since the last login. When it rebooted.) <Oh! Of course, because for a login to run, someone would have had to log in again!> <Making this a second login, and not the second login, which would be cmsg02.txt> <...or smsg02.txt, whichever your fancy. Yah, this all makes sense now. It's like I'm waking up to a different reality or something > { WAKE UP NEO } { Don't fuck with the freaders }
Is that a Will Ferrell quote? Yes. And the Anti Fair Use SWAT teams are going after the sneakers who got this page up here right now, aren't they? Yes. And since I just mentioned them, I'm probably the most likely target here, since the NSA central computer Echelon is probably monitoring the whole damn thing, especially since I just mentioned the NSA central computer named Echelon. <Like using the three bright blue elfstones of Shannara to attract the evil shadow creatures stolen from Frangles Generika> <Depending on your x-- wait, which stone?> {The blue one?} {No, two lines above it. The hidden hyperlink in black text.} {Oh, you did that yourself} % I think the director's throwing too much nonlinear dialogue in. A newbie frwoa reader is probably confused to death % % I think the director's throwing too much nonlinear dialogue in. A newbie frwoa reader is probably confused to death % % Oh right, I forgot I said that! Ha, isn't that odd, now? % || Isn't that a Bilbo quote? || || Yup. Infringement again. || || No, the Fair Use subroutine is still running, remember? || % Nothing to worry about, then. Well, except for... % {...The title of this login...} presents. . . THE LAST LOGIN.com . . . (you're not going to believe this) ( HOLY FRAK IT'S RESTARTING AGAIN!! ) <Touche> presents. . . (Here we go) (...again) <Are we going backwards now?> <I think we're going forwards again> <"Again"?> &%||}<ERROR. SYSTEM FAILURE)>}||%& >>>CD X:\LL REBOOT XP_SAFE_MODE < I'm going to need therapy > [The theatre darkens.]  \\ --OH MY HOLY $%*&ING SH#$%D WE'RE GOING TO READ THE IMPROV STORY ALLUDED TO IN THE LAST LOGIN, AREN'T WE!? // \\ Huh? No, you just missed it. // \\ Come again? // \\ The first page of the story you wanted to read just flashed by. // \\ You're not serious. // \\ I am serious. And don't call me Shirley // || Why are the lines single spaced now? || || My brain is a fried Denny's Omlette I don't really give a fuck anymore || || Yah but it just seems... weird, you know? Maybe we should help fix it or something || || We're just freaders, what the hell are we going to do about it? || || I just want this whole damn nightmare to be over, don't you? || || Alright, fine, I'll get us out of here. Tank?... Pik?... Kyle?... Uh, I think we're stuck here || || forever? || || Yup. But don't worry, it's almost over || || So what happens after it's over? || || No idea. || || Okay, now I need some sort of segwey into the word 'thanks' || || Why? || || Because it's coming up. || || How do you know th-- oh. ohhhhhh... || thanks for reading. please visit our sponsers at squish7.com (that isn't it, is it?) (no.) . . . . . . (Yah, I think that's it.) (Just wait) |